September 8, 2013

Coconut Oil! Fuck, Yeah!

Coconut oil.  Is there anything better?  What greater glue holds us together in Smartlandia than that non-greasy grease.  It's like, if Left Eye came back from the dead and there was a TLC reunion tour, but with Left Eye as a zombie, then that might be better than coconut oil.  Maybe.

My family is going as Zombie TLC this Halloween.

Many moons ago, I wrote about coconut oil and its awesomeness here.  Due to the original's posts popularity, and the fact that coconut oil just won't stop, CAN'T STOP, I think an update is in order.  The thing is, back then, I was just so naive.  I was using coconut oil to wash my face and in the occasional shrimp saute.  So innocent.  Ignorant, really, of all of that coconut oil can do.  Here is what I have subsequently learned.  Indeed, what coconut oil has taught me.

1.  Face Wash!  Okay.  I already knew that one.  I put it on my face.  Sorta rinse it off and pat dry.  Voila.  Moist, dewy skin and no moisturizer needed.

2.  Deoderant!  Seriously.  You can rub it on your pits and you're good to go.  Apparently there is something in coconut oil that actually works as an anti-persperant (science!).  I have found it works better in the colder months, and it failed utterly during a weekend with the in-laws.

3.  Diaper rash!  Cleans it right up.

4.  Bug bites!  Stops the itch.

5.  Shaving Cream!  Coconut oil instead of shaving cream will give a tight shave and leave your legs silky smooth.  Promise.  

6.  Lube!  Some woman are putting it on their vaginas.  Why?  I can't even remotely guess.  I don't even know what a vagina is.  JK.  A vagina is a front bottom.  

7.  Hair Conditioner.  No.  For reals, JK.  This is me after I decided to try it as a hair conditioner.


It took about three days of shampooing to get it out of my hair.  Do not put coconut oil in your hair.

Stay tuned for more coconut oil discoveries.  We have only just begun.




4 comments:

Christina said...

It gives me awful, cystic zits while somehow clearing up blackheads. No more coconut oil facewash for me! I'm back on the industrial/corporate beauty product bandwagon.

danicalynn said...

Clearly, your harlot ways have displeased the coconut gods. What do you use instead, Jezebel?

Christina said...

Nothing good so far. But for now it's Cetaphil to wash, some Oil of Olay 7 signs of aging business to moisturize at night, and Trader Joe's face sunscreen to moisturize in the morning.

I LOVE Trader Joe's sunscreen. All kinds, all the time.

danicalynn said...

I will give the TJ's sunscreen a try. I'm a little at a loss in the sunscreen department.